Fear of Clubs?

I enjoy typing out all these blog posts. Due to the fact that I don't do vlogs all that often, I feel like this is a medium in which I can keep you "entertained" or at least have something to read and look forward to on the Internet.

Clubbing, something people treat as a way to have fun and relax. But for me, it's a whole other story.

I've been to the club once! Yes, I'm not joking. ONCE!

I enjoyed it because it wasn't too crowded, I was on the guest list (I'm cheap and I'm proud) and it's Indie music!

But...

I have one problem.

Here's why I don't like to go to clubs. I feel really intimidated by the people there. I feel like all those cool people who are handsome as hell with the bunch of girls who are crazy hot are mocking me when I'm there.

I'm not saying that I want to be like them, I just feel so small as compared to them. They make me feel as if I'm missing out on life. They make me feel boring.

I've been doing some reflection myself and I realized that I need to be comfortable with myself instead of always comparing myself to others. Teenagers out there, we do this all the time. We compare ourselves with others and as a result, feel all pathetic when there's no valid reason at all to feel terrible.

You know what, it's time to accept yourself for who you are and lead your life the way you want to!

Cheers,
Darrenocl

Why Break Up?

A side note before I begin. I'm not really good at this blogging thing. I don't have a ton of pictures to entertain you with (if you're that sort), I only have words to express certain things I find difficult to share it as a video. I don't like the idea of having lots of shit filling up my blog space, all the ads, animations, music, etc. I just want a place where you can read what I have to say, that is all.

You know, for the past few days, it has been a rather confusing one. I'm constantly being reminded of my breakup because of all the questions online and I don't blame you guys. I really don't, but the thing is, I don't think you guys really got the story straight. 

So here I am, going into a little more detail in the hopes of sharing this personal story of mine.

The main reason why I broke up with her was because of religion. To me, this sounds completely ridiculous, but to some of you, maybe you can relate.

Girls tend to enter relationships hoping the guy will change eventually, guys on the other hand, enter relationships hoping the girl would never change at all.

You see the issue right there? Someone is bound to be disappointed.

So back to the story, she's a Christian, a rather devout one. So, being with me was already so called a "sin". 

I don't think it's healthy to be someones guilty pleasure, well, maybe sometimes. HAH!

She was hoping I would eventually convert for her which was totally out of the question. As the relationship progressed, I started to get a feeling that if I didn't convert, it was just a ticking time bomb. 

I remember asking her whether she would marry me if I asked her in the future just as a joke, she told me only if I convert.

I knew straight away that it was a dead end between us. I'm not going to blame Christianity from robbing my happiness with this girl I've spent the best one and a half years with. 

The thing is, her religion wasn't the only cause of the breakup, the lack of a religion on my part was equally responsible.

I really find it a pity to just watch her become just a friend to me.

I'm thankful this wasn't a bad breakup like the previous relationships I was in. I can only have faith that things would get better in the future.

Ironic isn't it? 

An Atheist having faith?

Cheers.

Darrenocl

Being Single

Yeah, maybe you've heard, maybe you don't even care. I'm not concerned whether you know it or not, but here goes nothing. Many of you have asked me about what happened and I just can't see this as a vlog. Instead, I'm going back to basics and here I am, writing this blog post.

Just to set everything straight, I was the one who initiated the breakup. I don't want people assuming she did something to me that was so unforgivable and slimy that I had to breakup with her.

Not all breakups have to be emotionally traumatic and be on the verge of psychotic.

To put things simply, we wanted different things. We are really different in nature, she's the art student that's always creative, out of the box, always doing things she wanted. Myself, a business student, practical, boring, always staying in my comfort zone.

It's ironic because the fact that we were so different attracted me to her. And yet, it was the exact same reason that slowly led to it falling apart.

The very fact that's she's religious made it really difficult for us to be together. If you know me, you know I'm not religious, and that's just an understatement. Clearly knowing that, we still got together back then. I should have known that it was a foolish thing to do, to waste each other's time. But can I really say that? I mean, besides the bad memories and the heartbreak that ensued, there were good memories that were created between us.

I just find it a pity that everything had to end like that. But if there's any consolation in this, it's that she's still a dear friend of mine. We're still there for each other and we're only a phone call away in our times of need.

I'm not going to say that I'm not affected by the breakup because that's just going to be one big fat lie.

It's... weird in a sense because you feel like you're back to square one. I'm afraid I'll never be able to find someone else. I'm afraid that I'll end up breaking someone else's heart. I'm just afraid to commit again.

There's no more calls at night to wish me good night or calls in the morning that just light up your day. There's no more random hugs you can give to that someone. I'm... alone now.

It takes some getting used to but I'm sure I'll get by.

So to all those who sent in really sweet and thoughtful messages, I thank you. It has definitely made me feel better on those nights when it's just me and and the speakers blasting "I CAN'T LIVE.... IF LIVING IS WITHOUT YOU~"

Yes, emasculating as it might be, it's still a great breakup song.

Cheers,
Darren

Trust Issues

Now, I know you readers out there have some issues pertaining to "Trust" in your relationships, be it with a lover or a friend.

People have often asked me how do you trust someone? How can you be so certain they wouldn't turn around and hurt you?

Well, you will never actually know for certain, things can go wrong. Trust is earned, they aren't being handed out left right center like those aunties giving out brochures. 

I used to be a very possessive person, my first relationship is a perfect example to explain how possessive I was.

When I was with her, I would get very paranoid whenever she said she was heading out with her friends. I would start having all this delusion that she was cheating on me and all that crap.

Sound familiar?

Think about it! If you're gonna stop your partner from talking to someone or meeting someone because you're afraid they'll cheat on you or things might go sour between you guys, it's probably not a relationship worth being in. 

If your partner is going to cheat on you, it's gonna happen whether you like it or not. That just means they're not the one for you and there's no point being upset over it. Learn to move on and realize that there are better things out there in life to occupy your life with, instead of harping over the loss of someone who doesn't even give a shit about how you feel.

If you are facing this or a similar problem, I advise you to thrash it out with your partner. To really talk about what makes you feel uncomfortable and from there, COMPROMISE! There should always be some form of compromise if there are differences that needs to be settled.

As always, love you guys.

Cheers.

Darren

National Service (My Thoughts)

As I stood there in the blistering heat, glistening with perspiration and feeling fatigued, I asked myself this question, what am I doing here?

There I was, in the middle of some field, carrying out my duty as a national serviceman. I didn't like the idea of serving the nation, but my views have changed as I'm serving my time concurrently.

National service has taught me a great deal of things.

1. I have learnt the significance of brotherhood and how it can affect you.

Motivating my buddies, going through all the hardship together, will definitely build this strong bond between the guys. There were numerous times when I felt like giving up, I didn't feel like there was a purpose for me to go on, but my buddies were there. It is because of them, where I found the drive to just keep pushing on because I'm not only doing it for myself, I'm doing it for them as well. 

2. More pain now, less blood later.

Training isn't easy, but I've learnt that it's through rigorous training where we will be able to fight easy. And hey, training = to looking good = to feeling good = happy boy. So yay.

3. Don't chao keng.

I hate people who chao keng (Report sick/malingering). There are times when I feel like reporting sick myself, but this thought always kicks in,

"What would happen to my brothers if I weren't there for them, they were always there for me"

I've never seen the medic or reported sick before and I will stay that way unless utterly necessary. In a way, if you chao keng, you're being very selfish to the others because they are one men down and whatever task they're being assigned to will be that much more difficult. 

All these lessons I've learnt can be applied in the future and for those who still hate the idea of serving the nation, we have no choice, but we can make the best out of it instead of wasting these 2 years of our lives.

Cheers,

Darren

Vlogger's Block

I used to post videos really consistently and religiously weekly. But I need you guys to understand something, I don't really have ideas every week and I feel like I'm being pressured to produce them.

I really enjoy making videos and of course, when you guys enjoy them as well. But sometimes, I just have a "vlogger's block" as I would call it. There's just nothing to discuss, nothing interesting for me to vlog about. To add on to that, my creativity level is at an all time low because I hardly get any inspirations during the week as I'm serving my time in the army. Most of my inspirations will only occur during the weekends which aren't very long to begin with.

I care about the quality of my videos and I don't want to produce lots of videos at the expense of quality. I sometimes spent hours in my room trying to figure out what topics I should touch on but simply to no avail.

I hope you guys will understand where I'm coming from. I feel really bad when I don't deliver content on time, but I'll feel worse if the content being uploaded is of subpar standard.

Cheers,
Darrenocl

Should I Blog More Often?

Now I know I haven't been blogging recently, and I'm not going to be one of those typical teenagers who starts off every post with the "Woots!~ Back to blogging" shit.

I shall head in a new direction and try to blog more often and more diary like. I'm just so afraid of forgetting my memories and I just need an avenue where I can say anything I want and it would be there for me to reread in the future. Whether you guys are interested or not is not really a concern, but it's assuring to know that some people actually care about you. Hah!

First of all, I'm not sure if people out there still enjoy reading blogs, do you? Leave them in the comments or something, let me know what you actually think of blogs.

I don't usually upload a lot of pictures, maybe I should, but then again, my entire life now revolves around the military so camera phones are restricted to only weekends. Pictures will definitely be limited.

Soo.....

Let's begin this diary thingy yeah?

I booked out yesterday and took a cab home from Yew Tee. Shared it with some of my bunkmates and I thank them because they make life in camp so much more fun. I don't know what I'll do without them.

For me, the first 5 days of every book in is the hardest, and I'm sure most guys who have been through or are going through national service would agree with me.

I reached home and ate a whole lot of watermelon. I'm not referring to like, 2-3 watermelons, it's just lots of small cubed ones. I really like watermelons, they're like my favorite fruit. Seriously.

I think I'm making too much of a big deal out of fruits, I tend to be too serious.

Spent the entire night packing my room and I'm pretty satisfied with the new layout of my room. I shall post a picture of it some other time. Or maybe in a video or something.

As for now, I'm going to head out for dinner!

I hate asking this question in Singapore, "What do you want to eat?"

It's one of the most difficult/delicate questions to answer. Ugh.

Cheers,

Darrenocl